At this stage, people with dementia are emotionally perceptive, but very inwardly focused. Family members are no longer recognized. Or they are mistaken for friends or family known in earlier years. Confusing the present with the past is common. Yet they are still aware of physical sensations and are sensitive to the current environment.
An emphasis on comfort and calm
The emphasis of this stage, and in the final stage, is to keep the person you care for feeling loved, known, and safe. That starts with addressing the senses.
People in the late stage of dementia tend to be very aware of all their senses, so they find enjoyment in
happy or soothing music
clothing or objects that are soft to the touch
affection and gentle massage
In this stage 24/7 assistance is required.
Instinct is a primary driver A person with late stage dementia no longer has control over his or her environment. But he or she will be very perceptive emotionally. If you exude love and show caring with your body, face, and tone of voice, the person you care for will likely respond in kind. When he or she becomes anxious about something, even if it seems ridiculous, show concern. You need to demonstrate that you are trustworthy, that you are an ally. If the person you care for becomes anxious, you can often distract him or her away from the cause of concern and substitute a positive, engaging activity.
Communication is non-verbal Communication is severely impaired in the late stage. The person with dementia will have difficulty understanding what others are saying. He or she will likely talk less and less. What’s said may sound like nonsense. But listen for possible symbolic meaning. “I’ve been robbed” is a poetically accurate depiction of memory loss. “I want to go home” is often not so much about location as a longing for the sense of comfort that “home” represents. Studies have been done during which elders with dementia free associate, draw, and dictate their thoughts. They can be surprisingly insightful.
Music as a universal language. If the person you care for seems to have retreated into their own world, try a little music as a way to connect. Tunes from their youth will often bring a smile. Favorite hymns may even get someone singing who has not talked in quite a while. Try not to over-stimulate. Soothing music is best for starters. If that seems to be well-received, then you can build up to more rousing melodies. You may even be able to get your loved one up and swaying to the music for a little movement and body connection.
Emotional outbursts. Loud noises, cursing, refusing to cooperate, and even aggressive behaviors are usually a sign of pain or distress. It can be physical pain or emotional pain. Persons in the late stage of dementia usually cannot tell you what they are feeling. Look for nonverbal signs of physical pain, such as groaning, a furrowed brow, rapid breathing, or grabbing or clutching a part of the body. If there is no obvious physical problem, it may be something internal, such as a bladder infection. It’s wise to check with the doctor if outbursts are a problem. There may be a medical condition at the root of it. Or the source of the problem may be in the environment.
Look for triggers. Usually there is a purpose behind distressed behavior. Think about what was happening just before your relative did something strange or difficult. Was there pressure to get something done in a hurry? Did you ask him or her to do something that was perhaps too complicated, had too many steps? Or think about what need your family member might be trying to fulfill. For instance, wandering or restlessness may reflect a need for physical exercise. Anger or agitation may be a response to feeling out of control of a situation.
Use distraction techniques. One advantage of forgetfulness is that you can use the short attention span to distract your relative from a triggering situation. Perhaps there is a distressing program on the television. Maybe he or she was frightened by a noise or a picture. You can either remove the distressing object or suggest another activity and then take your family member to a different room to complete it. Distraction works best if you acknowledge your relative’s feelings first and establish a loving, nonverbal connection. Hold his or her hand, touch a shoulder reassuringly, and make eye contact. Then you might say something like, “I can see you’re upset. I would be too. Let’s go outside and check on the bird feeder.”
Accommodate their preferences. It’s easier to let your relative do what feels natural to them than it is to try to force them to do things differently. If carrying a baby doll gives purpose and a sense of meaning and comfort, then let the doll be part of the family. Your creativity and flexible responses can do much to generate an environment that feels safe and loving to a person who is confused and potentially scared much of the time.
Find “useful” activities. Even people with very clouded thinking like to participate and feel like they are helping. Folding towels, sanding wood, sorting coins, stringing beads, or sweeping the walkway…these are all familiar activities that can be comforting and very absorbing for a person with dementia. Plus time spent on these safe activities gives you a break. (Hint: The activity does not have to be literally useful. You can take the hamper full of folded towels to another room, and jumble them up again. Then come back and ask if your relative can help you by folding this load of laundry.)
Use short sentences and show rather than tell. As language capabilities diminish, your loved one can get easily confused. If you want your relative to do something, break it down into simple steps. Or better yet, show your relative what to do, one step at a time.
Wandering. Your relative may exhibit restless behavior. This can include walking aimlessly for hours. Or he or she may continually talk about needing to get home. Your family member may be searching for something and be unable to say what it is. Putting up signs for the toilet, the kitchen, and the closet can help your loved one stay oriented. Getting regular exercise can burn off extra physical energy. If you are worried about safety, something as simple as a “stop” sign on the door or a yellow ribbon across it can keep your relative inside. Plastic “child-safe” doorknob protectors can be useful, as can a home security system if you are worried about nighttime wandering outdoors. Many people with memory problems have trouble spatially. Sometimes a black mat placed in front of the door will be mistaken as a large hole and dissuade a person with dementia from crossing over it.
Following you from place to place. This is often called “shadowing” and it can be very unnerving. As your family member becomes less capable, he or she will want to stay beside you. Your presence provides a sense of safety and security. Providing verbal and nonverbal comfort and reassurance can help. Also, distracting your relative with an engaging activity can give you some moments alone.
Mealtime problems. Although your relative may still have an appetite, he or she may have trouble with the mechanics of eating. Using a fork or knife becomes too complicated. It may be better at this stage to change to finger foods. And a “tippy cup” or one with a built-in straw may be easier than a regular glass or cup for fluids.
I work for NBT Bank and Becky has worked with one of our clients for many years now. Her and her team go above and beyond the call of duty everyday to help her clients achieve the best quality of life possible. From coordinating doctor appointments, cleaning and repair services, making emergency visits, and assisting with many various tasks that have come up in the past several years. The team members truly take an interest in their clients lives and build a true relationship with them which makes such a positive impact. The exemplary and dependable service Inspire Care provides has greatly improved the quality of life of our mutual client and I'm sure of many others as well.The opinions and advice offered within this account are my own and do not reflect that of my employer NBT Bancorp or any of its primary business units.
Completing the Life Plan by Inspire Care has given me and my spouse peace of mind. The content is well organized and thorough. They've thought of everything! There is even the option of completing the Life Plan in a digital version. The "Plan" is divided up into user friendly and manageable sections including financial, medical, legal information and "end of life wishes." We now have all of our important information in one place. We also appreciated the in-person meetings (via zoom) that provided opportunities to share our progress, ask questions and receive lots of positive encouragement. Now completed, it will be easy to review and update. We highly recommend this program!!
Becky and her company was an answer to prayer for me and my family. My father and father-in-law both ended up in assisted living before they died.Becky not only helped us find the correct facilty but she helped our extended family and both Dads navigate some very difficult transitions.I would recommend her company to anyone who is caring for a senior. There is a lot to learn ,alot of trials and a lot of emotion during this stage of life-You don't have to do it alone!
I recently had to go through the incredible difficulty of sorting out my aging Mother's complicated financial picture as her power of attorney. I decided then, that I also had to find a much better solution for organizing the complexities of my own life plan. I needed to do this not only for my wife, if she survived me, but for our children in the event of our passing together. We were blessed to come upon the "Life Plan" program by Inspire Care of Central New York. The plan book and online program offered us the perfect solution for our situation. We completed the plan together and now feel extremely comfortable that we have all the pieces of our finances and life wishes in place. This program is a must have for anyone interested in finding simple, organizational solutions for their life plan!
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Becky and Inspire care has been an absolute blessing with our Mother who is suffering from dementia. Not only the in home care provided but the guidance given helped us to navigate the process to move her to into a long term care facility where she is now thriving. We absolutely could not have done this without the care, help, and guidance from Inspire.
Provided an immediate, and long term, in-home care solution for our beloved relative—and eventually spearheaded the skilled nursing facility admission process. Provided highly professional and compassionate service and advice from start to finish.
Inspire Care was so wonderful to work with in my mother's final years. Becky was with us from the early days when we were looking for someone to share a few meals and leave a few in the fridge for our Mom who lived alone but was showing early signs of dementia, through a broken hip and eventual 24x7 care.Having an experienced team in Inspire Care to help us navigate was SO helpful during stressful times. They helped us find and work with agencies and businesses that we would have struggled to navigate without their experienced guidance.
We have cultivated such a wonderful partnership with Inspire Care. Becky, is extremely thorough with much attention to detail thatperhaps one thought wouldn't matter. The Inspire care Team leads with such professionalism and have such compassion for their clients. We value & embrace the partnership we have created the entire team .
I have known Becky Auyer and Inspire Care for over 10 years. I have recommended her to many friends and families.About 7 years ago, I hired her to help me with my parents. (I recall thinking I was a super hero, and I could do this well all by myself!)Early on, she helped me to navigate both of my parents getting off the road. That was a tremendous hurdle for our family and much needed for everyones safety.She helped us in the house with safety measures, meds, doctor appointments and check ins when I was away on travel.In 2017, my parents moved to senior apartment living. She helped us with that process, as well as helping us with mobility issues that both parents now had.Over the last 5 years, with COVID, my mother suffering numerous falls, rehab, and several hospitalization, Becky and her staff were always a phone call away. Becky, Gwen, Sharon, Deborah and Cheryl, all pitched in with daily treatments, showers, physical therapy, and sometimes taking turns at the hospital. This gave me so much comfort knowing they could help me in so many ways.During the 1st 6 months of 2022, both of my parents died at home with hospice, family, and the Inspire Care team helping us every step of the way.In a lot of ways, these last 12 years was the toughest job I ever had. I don't regret it, but I know I couldn't have done as well as I did without Inspire Care by my side until the end.
Inspire Care of CNY cared for both of my aging parents in the final stages of their lives. Becky and her team were FANTASTIC. We faced many challenges--moving my parents out of their house and into a retirement community, and then confronting various issues as their health failed. I don't know how we would have survived that phase of life without their patient, kind, and knowledgeable support. The support was for my parents, but also for us, their adult children. I wish I could give more than five stars!